


the truth hurts so lie and tell me you love me

by hotaru_fireflies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio Fight, Kageyama Tobio is a Little Shit, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Toxic Relationship, Unhappy Ending, angst angst angst, blowjob, both of them are seriously messed up, can we just please kill hinata, cause hes a lil shit, hinata has a girlfriend, hinata is manipulative, im crying, kageyama is in love with hinata, kageyama is super vunerable, let me just go cry, tsukki is actually really nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 14:16:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotaru_fireflies/pseuds/hotaru_fireflies
Summary: Kageyama hates himself. He knows he’s a crappy friend, he knows he hurt Hinata and he doesn’t know why. Kageyama hates himself, and it takes so much effort to not break down on the half-empty bus. He lets his head bang against the window every time the bus drives over a bump or dip in the road. He’ll have the bruise he deserves in the morning.Kageyama doesn’t want to think about Aoki and Hinata. He wants to ignore the fact that Hinata is slowly stopping spending lunches with him, he wants to ignore the fact that Hinata is replacing him. It hurts. It hurts so damn much and Kageyama can’t ignore it.Kageyama likes Hinata just a little bit too much, and the only problem? Hinata has a fucking girlfriend.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 13





	the truth hurts so lie and tell me you love me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction, and I've never written smut before, so feel free to contact me if you think I've made a mistake.

Kageyama can’t stop thinking about Hinata. For some reason, the tiny shit has gotten into his brain, messed up his thoughts and sent his gay mind into overdrive. It’s undeniable Kageyama has a crush on Hinata, and it’s obvious Hinata doesn’t feel the same. Because Hinata has a fucking girlfriend. 

Whenever Aoki Taki is there, Hinata Shoyo grows brighter. They are the perfect couple, both fun-loving, immature and funny. Neither of them are popular, but they have good groups of friends, a perfect romance and perfect lives and perfect everythings. Of course Kageyama’s jealous.

Whenever Aoki Taki is there, Kageyama Tobio grows darker. It’s not because of Aoki, because Aoki is probably the kindest person he knows (excluding Yachi) and the two of them get on surprisingly well. It’s because Kageyama has a crush on Hinata, which is so obviously unrequited. Aoki is a better person than Kageyama anyways, and he doesn’t want to hurt Hinata because the shorter boy is so in love with Aoki. Kageyama could never ruin someone’s relationship; _he couldn’t hurt Hinata._

Kageyama could remember the day Hinata and Aoki met. Both boys had visited class 1-5 during lunch to invite Yachi to come with them. They had found her talking to a slim girl with light brown hair which floated just above her shoulders. 

“This is Aoki-san,” Yachi had told them, “she’s in the girls’ soccer club.”

Aoki had smiled, “Please, just call me Aoki. I don’t really like suffixes.”

Hinata had smiled back and blushed. Kageyama’s heart has twinged with jealousy. And two weeks later Kageyama and Hinata sit against the wall during practice, sipping water, faces sweating.

“What would you do if you liked someone?” Hinata asked the younger boy

“Ask them out?” Kageyama’s reply had been strangled. _He never asked Hinata out, so he was being a tiny bit hypocritical._

Hinata had hummed before taking a sip from his water bottle. “I like Aoki,” he said quietly.

Kageyama’s heart ached, and he could feel the prickle of tears and his throat tightened. “Are you going to ask her out?” 

“Should I?” Hinata turned his head towards Kageyama, his eyes sparkling, lips curling into a smile. 

It pains Kageyama that the short boy will never look at _him_ like that. But Hinata is happy. “Y-yeah. You should.” 

Hinata smiles wider and Kageyama offers a strained smile back (it’s the best he can do, and Hinata doesn’t notice the pain behind his eyes. “I hope she accepts!”

“Yeah.”

Kageyama cried that night. He cried and cried, silent sobs shook his body, and his tears wet the pillow. He was too depressed and exhausted to go to school the next day, and when he returned to school, Hinata and Aoki were together.

“Kageyama-kun?”

“What?” Kageyama frowns at the smaller boy.

“Give me a toss!” 

Kageyama shakes his head, “I’ve got to go home, he says simply.”

“Why? We usually stay later,” replies Hinata, his brows furrowing, and his golden-brown eyes meeting Kageyama’s deep blue ones, “are you sick?”

Kageyama shakes his head again, “I’m fine.” 

Hinata gives a nervous laugh, “That’s not what fine people say.”

“I said I’m fine.”

Hinata glances at Kageyama, concerned eyes penetrating the younger’s cool exterior, “You keep saying that, but you look horrible.”

“Wow, thanks.” The reply is sarcastic, but it’s devoid of ‘normal Kageyama’. Normally Kageyama would’ve already had his hands wrung around the smaller boys neck.

“Hey, are you okay?” Hinata notices the lack of ‘Kageyama’ in the younger's reply. He produces a strained smile, “C’mon, I’m your best friend; you can tell me anything!”

“No. No, I can’t.”

He can’t tell Hinata that he likes the smaller boy. He can’t tell Hinata how broken he is. He can’t tell Hinata everything. The truth hurts and Kageyama has a bus to catch.

Kageyama rests his head on the bus windows, feeling the rumbling vibrations through his whole body. His earbuds are in, playing some music about a break-up. Kageyama wishes Aoki and Hinata would break up.

_No, he doesn’t._

Yes, he does.

Kageyama hates himself. He knows he’s a crappy friend, he knows he hurt Hinata and he doesn’t know why. Kageyama hates himself, and it takes so much effort to not break down on the half-empty bus. He lets his head bang against the window every time the bus drives over a bump or dip in the road. He’ll have the bruise he deserves in the morning. 

Kageyama doesn’t want to think about Aoki and Hinata. He wants to ignore the fact that Hinata is slowly stopping spending lunches with him, he wants to ignore the fact that Hinata is replacing him. It hurts. It hurts so damn much and Kageyama can’t ignore it. 

Kageyama doesn’t have anyone apart from Hinata. Sure, Yachi sometimes spends time with him, but only when Hinata is there. Bile rises in his throat whenever he talks to someone new, his hands become slippery and sweaty. Kageyama’s social life is non-existent.

The constant merry-go-round of thoughts in Kageyama’s head distracts him from his surroundings. He’s functioning on auto-pilot as he gets off the bus and walks home. It’s auto-pilot which unlocks the door, takes off his shoes and dumps his bag in his room. It’s auto-pilot when the boy has his shower, has his dinner and goes to bed. Auto-pilot is what gets Kageyama through, day after day after day. Auto-pilot and Hinata.

It’s been two weeks since Kageyama hurt Hinata. Neither boy talks to the other anymore and they only meet for team practise. Kageyama’s repeated the incident again and again in his head, imagining the things he could’ve done, but the result of his constant scenarios always ends in their broken friendship. The ball still goes up right, still gets hit right, but the unspoken tension grows tighter and tighter each day. 

And the worst part? Hinata won’t look at the younger boy. Kageyama can’t look at him, tell him he’s sorry and that he loves him so much. It’s devastatingly painful, and anytime he pauses, thinks of Hinata for more than one second, hot tears burn down his face as punishment.

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama whispers in the changerooms one day, “I messed up.”

No one else is there when he breaks down, his shirt off, a constant stream of half-whispered ‘sorrys’ tumbling from his lips. Kageyama is broken, and as his nails dig into the skin around his waist the only thing on his mind is how crappy he has been towards Hinata. Far off Kageyama can hear the chattered voices of his teammates and he wonders when it all went wrong.

Tsukishima finds Kageyama, half-naked and shivering in the dark. It’s the worse he’s ever seen the black-haired boy, with tears in his blue eyes and scratch marks around his waist, and even the taller boy who knows so little about the King, knows he is broken. Tsukishima leaves to find Sugawara. 

“There’s something wrong with Kageyama,” Tsukishima says in a hushed tone, “He’s in the changerooms crying and with scratches all over his body. I don’t care but I thought someone else might.”

Suga knows the first years only lying to himself, he knows the younger cares about his teammate, but he nods all the same, “I’ll check on him. Thanks for telling me.” There’s worry laced in Suga’s words.

Sugawara finds the broken boy in changerooms and he wants to cry at the sight of his fellow setter. His jaw tightens, he must remain strong for Kageyama. 

“Hinata?” Kageyama asks almost hopefully.

Sugawara smiles painfully, “No, just me, Sugawara.”

“Oh.”

Silence falls over the two for a moment, but it feels like years. Sugawara reaches out to touch silky-black hair. “There, there,” he says and Kageyama realises he’s sobbing again.

“Do I have to practise today?” Kageyama’s voice comes out in a whisper between gut-wrenching sobs, “I don’t want the team to see me like this.”

Suga nods, understandingly, “You don’t need to practise. You can go home if you like, I’ll tell Daichi you’re sick.”

“Yeah. I’ll go home.”

Kageyama stands up with the help of the older boy. Sugawara helps him get changed too, like a mother helping her son. “I’m here- _We’re here_ if you need anything,” he says holding Kageyama closely. The hug is warm, a reassurance the black-haired boy is not alone. “You can trust us.”

After Kageyama’s breakdown, the boys’ friendship becomes ‘normal’ again. It’s unspoken between them, (Kageyama doesn’t even know how Hinata knows) and something they dodge around. Neither wants to admit that somethings wrong. 

Hinata hangs out with Kageyama after school, they talk together and eat lunch together. They laugh and smile but Kageyama is not happy. Hinata is still with Aoki. 

Hinata talks about Aoki constantly, simple stuff like ‘oooh! Aoki would love this’ which makes Kageyama’s heart scream with jealousy. Kageyama bites his tongue; it’s his own fault he is a victim of unrequited love, he should’ve fallen in love with someone else. 

Weeks pass. Hinata stops spending time with Kageyama. History is destined to repeat itself over and over until nothing is left of Kageyama’s shattered heart. Kageyama’s 16th birthday comes and passes and he doesn’t see Hinata and his heart aches even more. 

Kageyama doesn’t want to go to the party, though Tsukishima persuades him. The two have grown surprisingly close, something, Kageyama thinks, maybe links to his episode in the changerooms. Either way, the two could be called friends.

The party is just as Kageyama feared it would be. The majority of people are drinking (despite being underage) and the overwhelming peer pressure leads Kageyama to do the same. 

It’s a funny feeling, Kageyama decides, everything seems to slip away and turn into blurs of colours. There’s a lightness to everything, and for once he isn’t weighed down by his fears. He can forget about the pain in his chest and his overwhelming thoughts screaming ‘ _Hinata! Hinata! Hinata!_ ’ again and again.

Some girl approaches Kageyama, flirting, and for once in his life he doesn’t push a girl away. He flirts back (partly because of the alcohol and partly because of the pain in the back of his mind) and it isn’t long before they’re hidden away in a bedroom upstairs. 

Kageyama sucks and leaves rough kisses up and down the girl’s neck. She moans and Kageyama can’t help but imagine if the girl were Hinata. ‘ _Hinata! Hinata! Hinata!_ ’ Kageyama’s mind is screaming again, screaming for everything he can’t have.

The girl runs hands up and down Kageyama’s sides underneath his clothes, tracing his strong muscles before slipping hands into his pants and jerking him off. Kageyama moans Hinata’s name involuntary and the girl pauses.

“That’s not my name,” she says, dejectedly, but Kageyama couldn’t care less because over her shoulder is the orange-haired boy he craves.

“Hinata,” Kageyama says.

“I already told you that’s not my name!” Kageyama didn’t pay attention to the girl’s huffy remarks.

“Kageyama,” Hinata replies, and it was then Kageyama noticed the tears on the smaller boy’s cheeks.

“You know what?! I’m leaving. I’ve had enough of this,” Neither boy acknowledged the girl.

The entire world melts away, yet everything comes into focus all at once. Hinata is there, standing at the door in all his perfect imperfection. Kageyama stands and takes a shaky step towards the smaller boy. 

“I haven’t seen you in weeks,” Kageyama says, his voice a whisper.

“We see each other in practice all the time,” Hinata steps forward, with a voice matching Kageyama’s.

“That’s not the same.”

It’s quiet for a moment too long, both of them are too close, and the heat of the room surrounds them as the alcohol pumps through their blood. Kageyama watches as Hinata’s lips form a reply, but he barely hears the; “Yeah, not the same”.  
Kageyama captures the smaller boy’s lips in his own, and to his greatest delight, Hinata kisses back. The kiss is a fire burning, a white-hot flame that burns like the sun. The heat is blinding when Hinata swipes his tongue over Kageyama’s bruised, bitten lips, when Hinata pushes his tongue into Kageyama’s mouth and tastes every inch, every corner. The heat is blinding when Hinata pushes Kageyama onto a bed and takes off his shirt, it’s blinding when he runs his hands over the youngers nipples, making them harden before licking them and sucking them like ice-cream on a hot day. 

Kageyama moans. Everything happening in the small room is everything Kageyama’s ever wanted. Kageyama’s hips rise, trying to find friction. He needs Hinata.

Hinata removes Kageyama’s trousers quickly, and the overwhelming heat and need for each other only grow stronger. Hinata leaves hickies on the younger’s inner thighs, and Kageyama’s needy whimpers grow louder. 

Hinata is excruciatingly slow taking off Kageyama’s boxers (whether on purpose or not) and the younger boy unintentionally holds his breath. 

“Look at what I’ve done,” Hinata says, and there’s pride in his voice.

Kageyama raises his hips, searching for contact, something to rub his erection on. He meets with Hinata’s knee and ruts against it, moaning and panting. Hinata pushes Kageyama’s hips down.

“Not yet,” is all that passes from the small boy’s lips.

Kageyama whines when Hinata’s lips ghost over his tip and he moans when Hinata begins to suck him off. It’s something completely magical when Hinata sucks and strokes him and he can’t help but thrust into the smaller boy’s mouth, hitting the back of his throat again and again. 

“I’m going to-”

Kageyama comes into the smaller boy’s mouth and Hinata smirks before swallowing it. There’s a silence between the two of them, and the heat of the room dies around them.

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama asks.

“Nothing, why do you ask?” Hinata replies, raising his head to meet Kageyama’s blue eyes.

“You only ever come to me when somethings wrong.”

“Liar,” replies Hinata with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“Yeah,” says Kageyama, dropping his head. 

Both boys know it’s not a lie. Hinata only spends time with Kageyama when there’s something wrong, but maybe, maybe they could pretend everything was alright for a little longer. Maybe they could pretend Hinata didn’t use Kageyama, maybe they could pretend it was love. 

“Aoki and I are breaking up,” Hinata speaks quietly, like it’s a secret between the two of them, “She’s got to move to Australia because her Dad got a job over there.”

“Oh,” Kageyama’s eyes flicker up to the smaller boy, “That sucks.”

Hinata breathes in shakily, “Yeah. She might never come back, and we don’t think we can do long distance.”

Kageyama watches the tears fall down Hinata’s face, “I’m here.”

It’s just words, just a voicebox pushing out sounds that somehow mean something, but it’s enough. Hinata shuffles up the bed and wraps his arms around Kageyama, “Can we just lie here for a bit?”

“Yeah,” says Kageyama softly.

And so Kageyama lies there, holding Hinata, the boy who uses him and manipulates him, the boy he loves. And as Hinata sobs silently and as the alcohol slowly fades out of their systems, Kageyama recalls the words Sugawara said to him. 

  
  
  


_“I’m here. You can trust me.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, I wrote this over the weekend.
> 
> \- Hotaru


End file.
